How to Shine Without Apology
*This is a special Friday edition of 'Beyond the Reframe' because living authentically requires constant reflection and reminders that we're all works in progress…So, REFRAME whenever possible!
Accepting Compliments Without Dimming Your Brilliance
Like a lighthouse standing steadfast on rocky shores, true leadership isn't about frantically searching for people to help. It's about cultivating such a clear, authentic presence that others naturally find their way to your light. Anne Lamott reminds us: 'Lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.'
When Your Light Reaches Distant Shores
Yesterday, the universe delivered a powerful reminder that sometimes we don't fully see the reach of our own light. On the same day, two thought leaders reached out highlighting my work:
A colleague I knew featured my workbook as an "incredible resource" in her newsletter
A stranger connected on LinkedIn to tell me she'd been inspired by an article I'd written two and a half years ago and had quoted it in her newsletter
The timing wasn't coincidental. It was a cosmic nudge saying: "Your voice is being heard. The light you've been shining all this time is guiding others, even when you can't see their ships on the horizon." I had to remind myself of my OWN quote: "Compliments are proof that others see your light!"
The Courage to Bask in Your Own Light
What if you owned your own light and the gifts others see in you?
Many of us find it easier to deflect compliments than to fully receive them. We dim our brightness, afraid of appearing boastful. But there's profound wisdom in acknowledging the impact we make:
Your words may travel years after you've written them
Your ideas might illuminate paths for people you've never met
Your authentic presence creates ripples that reach shores you cannot see
The Art of Receiving Recognition: Name, Claim and Reframe®
*When praise comes our way, many of us deflect, diminish, or deny it. But what if we approached recognition with the same steadiness as a lighthouse receives the attention of passing ships? Here's how to practice receiving compliments with grace:
1. NAME: Create a Safe Landing Place…Catch it!
Provide the praise a "safe" place to land by saying a simple, "Thank you!"
No deflecting with "Oh, it was nothing" or "Anyone could have done it." Just as a lighthouse offers a steady beam for ships to navigate by, offer a steady acceptance of the recognition being given.
2. CLAIM: Allow the Gratitude to Rain Down, like confetti!
Receive the praise by allowing the awe of gratitude to rain down on you like confetti.
Instead of immediately shifting focus away from yourself, pause to truly absorb the moment. Feel the acknowledgment of your contribution, your presence, your impact.
3. REFRAME: Celebrate Your Light…Hurrah!
Celebrate yourself for shining your light out into the world.
Recognize that by fully owning your gifts, you create permission for others to do the same. Your acceptance of praise isn't pride—it's an acknowledgment of the unique contribution only you can make.
*This three-part process was originally inspired by my cherished colleague Tricia Bolender, whose wisdom and light continues to guide me!
EXTRA CREDIT, The REDIRECT: Creating Graceful Boundaries
Invite deeper connection with "I'm so glad this resonated with you. What specifically spoke to you?"
This creates a graceful boundary that:
Acknowledges your contribution without absorbing responsibility for others' experiences
Helps you understand your impact more specifically
Invites the other person to own their insights and emotions
Creates space for authentic connection through shared reflection
The Lighthouse Principle
Just as a lighthouse doesn't chase ships but rather stands firm in its purpose, remember that feedback often reveals more about the observer than the observed. It's a reflection of their perspective, filtered through their own experiences and values.
When others recognize your light, they're showing you a glimpse of your impact that you might not otherwise see. These moments are invitations to:
Acknowledge your growth journey
Celebrate your consistent presence
Recommit to shining authentically
Why We Struggle with Praise
Despite the value of recognition, many of us struggle to receive it fully:
Our human desire to belong: We don't want to be the "tall poppy" or take up too much space
Worrying too much about others' opinions: We allow another's preference to trump our own
The limiting beliefs we hold: We convert compliments to criticism, fearing failure or missing the mark
But sincere compliments are proof that others see your light. They provide valuable information about the gifts you offer the world—and everyone has unique talents whose purpose is to be shared.
Navigating Stormy Waters
When criticism stings, treat it like a passing storm. Break down the situation into observable facts, separating emotional turbulence from useful navigation data. Ask yourself: "What learning coordinates can I plot from this feedback?"
Your Beacon of Truth
Before seeking feedback, set your bearing:
Define your learning destination
Chart what insights would be most valuable
Navigate around feedback that clouds your authentic course
The Lighthouse Keeper's Wisdom
When offering feedback to others, remember: their journey is their own. Like a lighthouse keeper, share your perspective when asked, but don't become attached to whether ships follow your signal.
Final Beam
Your unique gifts are that beacon. When you fully own your talents and stand confidently in your truth, you create a powerful gravitational pull that draws others toward positive change. The most profound impact often comes not from chasing validation or forcing influence, but from simply being your brightest self—and allowing yourself to witness how your light touches distant shores.
Each compliment you receive illuminates how your light reaches others. Stand firm in your truth, let constructive feedback refine your beam, and remember - your role isn't to chase boats, but to shine brightly from your authentic foundation.
Sometimes, the greatest gift you can give yourself is to pause and recognize: your light matters. It always has, even when you couldn't see who was following its beam. Compliments are proof that others see our light and that the gifts we offer the world ARE making an impact.
"Never admire quietly. If you admire something about someone, tell them...
Everyone needs reminders that they are leaving this world better than they found it!"
Your light doesn't diminish when others recognize it—it grows stronger. So stand tall, receive praise with grace, and let your unique brilliance shine. The world needs your beacon exactly as it is.
Shine on,
🌟Andrea
Ready to explore transformation in 2025? Here's how we can work together:
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✧ The Workbook- Put insights into action with practical tools and exercises. [Order Now]"
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