Orphelia: The “perfect” voice of oppression
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor.” -Anne Lamott
If you’re anything like me, you struggle to shake your perfectionistic tendencies. But the truth is: None of us is perfect (even when we try!)
And which of us wants to hang with someone who pretends to be flawless anyway? Not me.
Trying to “be perfect” is unrealistic, but that’s not the only problem. Perfectionism is restrictive, steeped in fear, and inauthentic, too.
What if, instead of trying to obey perfectionism’s request for good behavior, you personified her voice as a pesky little tag-along?
I call the perfectionistic voice in my head Ophelia The Oppressor, because she oppresses my creative thinking and urges me to “play by the rules.”
She also -
Rejects every “imperfect” or unexpected outcome as a FAILURE
Second guesses my provocative thinking
Has me questioning myself until I GIVE UP (or stall out)
Chastises my spontaneity & curiosity
Urges me to “stay inside the lines”
Ophelia has good intentions: She wants to keep me safe (mostly from embarrassment).
She doesn’t want me to “mess up.” But she’s also a real stick in the mud, if we’re honest.
Recently, one of my clients was struggling with her own voice of perfectionism, and our conversation made me think about all the reasons we need to send Orphelia (and her friends!) packing -
SEEKING PERFECT NEVER MOVES US FORWARD.
Having the goal of perfection holds us back from our creativity and ingenuity. Trial and error is how we learn, and it’s the imperfections and unexpected outcomes that enable our work to become great!
IMPERFECTIONS HELP US STAND OUT IN THE CROWD.
Unusual perspectives, by way of counter-intuitive routes, signal to others that our work is significant. If our work were “perfect” and fit in with everyone else’s ideas, everyone else would have done it already… It’s only the bravest of us who are BOLD enough to step into our real (imperfect) work.
We will NOT conform. We will NOT change ourselves. We will NOT obey. (We will remain imperfect in our plight!)
PERFECT ISN’T TRUSTWORTHY, LIKABLE, OR AUTHENTIC.
The mess is where the magic happens… Besides, “perfect” is a lie! Nobody is really perfect, right? Revealing your imperfections, struggles, and face-plants is what makes you both relatable and accessible to others - especially the people who energize your spirit. We trust the honest souls that tell real stories, because they’re the ones who give us hope and humanize life’s journey.
PERFECT IS RESTRICTIVE.
Even if we do manage to achieve something “perfect,” it’s NOT sustainable. How can we improve on “perfect”? It’s a dead-end and a limiting outcome that doesn’t make room for growth or improvement. Goofs are greatly undervalued! When we claim our imperfection, we welcome learning, adaptation, and modifications we might not have considered without stumbling. Imperfect things create chances for us to become better, faster, stronger, and more informed… CLAIM every opportunity to learn something new!
TRYING TO "BE PERFECT” IS REALLY A COVER-UP FOR FEAR.
The most convenient way to avoid putting your brilliance out into the world is to aim for perfection. If you hold back on releasing an idea, product, or service, because it’s “not ready yet,” then YOU have given up on YOURSELF. You’re missing out on the opportunity to glean new insight, pivot your marketing strategy, and improve your sales pitch! Stop using perfection as a cover-up for our fear… Rather than “being perfect,” I invite you to “be willing” to put something imperfect out into the world. (If the only thing holding you back is fear, that’s good news! It’s something you can overcome.)
What do you think, [FIRST NAME]?
Ready to give “imperfection” a try?
Until next time,
💫 Andrea
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P.S. Whenever you’re ready to take the next steps along YOUR path to a well-lived life, I’ve got a handful of resources to help -
#1 Join me for the Name, Claim & Reframe “Self-Sovereignty” Series this Fall 2024. Get on this waiting list NOW for this LIVE workshop series that will help you practice and implement the Name, Claim & Reframe Method - one step at a time!
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