Meet Sister Mary Francis… the people pleaser
Inspired by my Catholic upbringing, I’ve named the “do-gooder, people-pleasing” inner critic who lives inside my head, Sister Mary Francis.
Although she’s a kind soul, Sister Mary Francis does NOT like to disappoint anyone… and if I succumb to her gentle-but-unhelpful advice, she will have me saying, “YES, OF COURSE!” instead of a resounding, “HELL, NO!”
There’s always a 1% truth to the advice Sister Mary Francis offers.
But I’ve honed the skills of sifting and sorting through her relevance to the here-and-now, because NOW I know better! I know that when I’m depleted of my precious energy reserves, I’m no longer living my best life.
The good news is: Simply acknowledging Sister MF’s fears and worries usually satisfies her, and she scuttles along (to return another day!)
The key is to notice when it’s HER voice speaking to me, not MY voice.
Sister MF is not a part of me… yet her reminders are inspired by my people-pleasing mother who was always concerned about whether I was being nice or kind enough to others.
Now that I finally understand the motivations of this particular inner critic, it’s easy to stand my ground and do what’s best for me. Spreading kindness and goodwill out into the world is certainly a good idea, but being kind at my own expense is NOT.
When you decide to CLAIM yourself, you are bound to disappoint others.
It’s an internal battle between your willingness to sit in an uncomfortable moment and your willingness to surrender your truth by saying a kind but clear, “HELL NO.” And the incredible feeling of gracefully taking your power back feels so much better than saying a reluctant “yes…” to something you really don’t want to do!
Part of living an authentic life is about NAMING the limiting beliefs that keep you from setting boundaries and acknowledging that your truth may not match someone else’s expectations.
This all sounds incredible in theory, right?
But we all know it’s much more in daily practice. It requires constant checks and balances.
The truth is, before I became a life and leadership coach, I was a hopeless people pleaser.
I was so concerned with not disappointing others that I “selflessly” ignored my own needs, failed to guard my own boundaries, and exhausted my precious energy reserves.
Put very simply: I gave my power away to avoid having uncomfortable conversations, disappointing my relatives, and facing my fear of being unworthy of love and respect.
Now a recovering people pleaser, I’m on a crusade to help others notice the voice of their inner critic and learn to say a graceful-but-clear “HELL NO!” to the things that don’t serve their goals for the future.
Just imagine what will be possible in your life when you learn to notice and NAME the inner critic that lives within you & develop strategies and mindsets to send them away…
Until next time,
Andrea
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